February 25, 2021

March 1967

Daddy

He didn't know

That's why Daddy died

If there had been Google or webmd he wouldn't have downed 24 beers while watching baseball alone

He would only have had a respectable six and plenty of crunchy cruciferous vegetables with spinach dip

with his match.com girlfriend

and lots of direct sunlight through the sliding glass door

not the tiny window with

heavy dust colored lined curtains

shut to keep out the truth.

He certainly wouldn't drive after the game

They would've had a 

Designated Driver

Not two drunk people in a car with abandon and ignorance

A DeSoto with no seat belts..no reason for precautions

Or careful consideration on ones' life

No reason to suspect the future of the children or the family or society for that matter

Today we have sensible mind alterations

Guidelines

Edges

Doses

Lines you can't cross over 

Maximum amounts.

That's why Daddy died

It was the '60's and he was in his '40's

Today it would take much longer 

to die.

 February 23, 2021

What I Was continued....

Mother

Choose to 

see her. She will

proclaim sanity while

clipping jagged edges

from her toenails. 

 1970 #1 Married with 3 children at 21

That awful night

Doing what she was supposed to

Married with children. Easy to get to. Virgins at 16 and 18.  

But she wasn’t….

balancing the checkbook

Or cleaning the kitchen

Or combing her hair

Or figuring out how to have a cat

Or getting a job, which she wasn’t allowed to do

Or getting a license, which she wasn’t allowed to do

Until she was 8 months pregnant

Or even recognizing her mental health was front and center

He was preparing her to be a single mom

The yellow phone rang on the kitchen wall.  She picked it up and noticed the diamond on her left hand sparkling in the sunlight coming from the small window.  

“Hello,” she said.

“I’m going to be late tonight.  Put my dinner in the fridge,” he said.

“Ok. What time do you think you’ll be home?”

“I’ll let you know.”

Later that night, she went to bed and he crawled in beside her and the clock said 1:51am.  She let him drift off to sleep and heard him snoring.  She laid there for what seemed like an hour.  Got up. Quietly.  Grabbed his pants and did something she had never done before. Took out his wallet.  Crept into the blue bathroom which she hated. It was designed by her mother-in-law who ironically, she loved. Pelicans on the shower curtain.  Of all things. In his wallet, under the money was folded paper.  She unfolded it and read:

“Dear…., blah blah blah...we are so in love….I cannot wait until we are married.  Signed, the future Mrs. her husband’s name.”

Her hands shook.  She ran out of the bathroom and woke him up.  Confronted him.  He got dressed quickly. Was quiet. Baby in crib waking up. He ran quickly out the front door of the apartment. Ran to a woman who, ironically, had a job, a license and even a car. And just like that, a five year marriage was over.  Her nightmare had just begun.

(Some of this is added for dramatic effect, but most of it is exactly as it happened.)