November 29, 2020
I started writing in this blog a year ago, made one entry and then stopped. I have a bad habit of starting things and not following through. I read my first entry today and realized I really want to continue this. That entry last year was about when I was eight years old. That was the year my mother married a man my older sister and I called "Gooko". We never said his name because we literally hated him for many reasons. He was an abuser in all of the ways you can imagine. My mother and this man were married for eight years, eight years of terror, instability and sadness for me. My mother, on the other hand, loved this man right up to the day she died, even though he beat her, had other women and was generally a bad person.
I decided to call these first entries "What I Was" which will most likely be from the age of eight to 27 or so. Hold on because it's going to be, as they say, a hell of a ride. Thanks for reading.
Interesting the things we forget,,... like a nickname I used for someone, It was certainly appropriate. It also blows my mind that I didn't like him long before he married our mother. I didn't know why I didn't like him because there were no obvious things to observe but I just didn't. I guess you could call it a child's intuition. Although t is very difficult to understand why she continued to love him even after the physical abuse started when, apparently it was not unusual. I found some info on that, & here is a partial quote:
ReplyDelete"Love isn’t something that just disappears overnight. [or decades in some cases apparently] It’s a connection and emotional attachment that you create with another person. Love comes with a lot of investment of time, energy and trust. It’s not easy to just let go of a life you’ve built with someone, whether they’re abusive toward you or not."
So, since she had 4 beautiful children with him, I can understand (I think) how she might have felt. I, on the other hand, am not particularly forgiving for violence against me.
In any case, I'm glad we had each other to lean on and still do for that matter!!!
Your sis, Barbara
Thank you for your thoughtful comment! I agree its not easy to let go of love for a person. Gary was the love of my life!!
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